Dancing in the Street

copyright-renee-heath

He saw her again. The same spot he’d seen her for the last three nights.  Catching her silhouette when he least expected. Tonight a slight wisp of breeze had caught in her hair and delicate curls of mischief were dancing in the air. He saw her move in the stillness and his heart rate quickened. A rising discomfort whispered through his blood. He shivered. He didn’t know her name or why she danced every night as if just for him. But he would come back again tomorrow and the night after too, maybe one day they would speak………………….

A 100 word photo prompt for Friday Fictioneers (although it’s not quite Friday)

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50 thoughts on “Dancing in the Street

  1. Beautiful, elegant writing. I love all the details (silhoutte, wisp of a breeze, delicate curls of mischief…) The ending – “maybe one day he would ask her that…” – was a bit jarring to me, though. Stylistically, it felt a little out of sync with the rest of the story. For me, something like “maybe one day he would speak to her” or something more definitive would work better. Unless you’re trying to communicate that she has done some harm to him… I don’t know. Again, everything up to that last line… exquisite!

  2. Oh Dammit! Now I want to see your original last line! 🙂

    Lovely little piece and accompanying photo (do you take the photos yourself for these prompts or stumble across them?

      • Yeah, I really like the restrictions – I had the same constraints when doing a college course earlier this year.

        Ok, I’ve added my first attempt (though admittedly it isn’t Friday today).

  3. I like the fact that she means so much to him and yet he doesn’t speak to her. Or maybe he can’t…
    enjoyed these descriptions;

    Tonight a slight wisp of breeze had caught in her hair and delicate curls of mischief were dancing in the air.

    A rising discomfort whispered through his blood.

  4. Dear Helen,

    There’s an ethereal sweetness to this that I found intriguing. One word of crit. I find the line of periods at the end distracting. I think a simple period will do…it really is a complete statement even though the thought is kind of open ended.

    shalom,

    Rochelle

  5. This is great. The detail you give made me shiver myself. Now I want to know if they ever meet and if he ever learns her name

    • Not that would be a story for another day. The great thing about these flash fiction prompts is getting inspiration for longer stuff later. Thanks for the lovely comment 🙂

  6. Perfect last line! ” But he would come back again tomorrow and the night after too, maybe one day they would speak………………….” I like the idea that he will be returning but never speak to her which shows what kind of character he might be. The picture is also perfect!

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