Well, it’s Wednesday again. “So soon” you ask and I excitedly reply “Yes, it’s Friday Fictioneers time again, wayhayyy”. Make sure one of your New Years resolutions is to give it a go, you’ll not be sorry…. Follow the link for all the info.
The air turned a little cooler as her hand reached out, trailing a finger through the sand. Each new line, a new question in her head.
Should she go or should she stay?
Would things change or stay the same?
He’d put her on a pedestal for so long; she couldn’t find her way down. She was just a structure, a form, a shape on a rock.
She’d ask him later if she should go. He’d been dead 3 weeks now but his eyes would tell her far more than his voice ever did.
Yes, she’d go into the basement and ask him..
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Okay seriously spooky. I liked the idea of her up on a pedestal akin to the structure in the photo. I did not see the twist coming.
ahh, so my cunning plan worked, lol 🙂
I would love to get involved in ‘Friday Fictioneers’ how do I do this? It looks fun 🙂 Love your piece by the way, well done.
Beware it becomes addictive, lol. Just click on the blue link on my post and it will take you to the main link page. A photo is put up each week and u create a 100 word story. Then just post ur link into the link screen on rochelles page. 🙂
Oh dear, a pedestal high above reality. Scary character, Helen.
Thanks, I’m glad the twist came across 🙂
Creepy! I didn’t see the twist at the end coming.
I’m pleased you didn’t see it coming 😉
Wow Helen what a fabulous piece, you led me along so well and then wham…that ending was breath taking as in away….Loved it…
Thank you, I was trying for that unexpected twist 🙂
the ending was so creepy and so unexpected! wonderfully executed.i loved that part about her being unable to go down from the pedestal:-)
Thanks, I was hoping it was a twister, lol 🙂
Creepy but good.
Thank you 🙂
Oh, this was creepy. My only critique would be to ask if you meant to get that song stuck in my head – Should I stay or should I go? If I stay there will be trouble. If I go there will be double.(Or something like that…)
I hadn’t thought of that song until you said it, now it’s in my head too, thanks for that, lol 🙂
Excellent. I love the line
He’d put her on a pedestal for so long; she couldn’t find her way down. She was just a structure, a form, a shape on a rock.
Such a great story!
Many thanks 🙂
Ooh that was creepy. Well written!
I thought I’d twist it a bit 🙂
Well done!
I could visualise this perfectly. And a killer of a title. Well done.
Thanks Sandra 🙂
Genius character piece. Love your writing, Helen. Every week I look forward to reading another bite size piece.
Thank you, but I’ve no money to pay you for such a dazzling comment 😉
A basement? high tide – drowned – ugh!
Thanks for liking 🙂
Wow, that was something. It turned from sad and poignant to creepy really quickly. I like it. 🙂
Hit em fast, lol 🙂
Very different for you, darling, and I quite enjoyed it. There was a strange sense of detachment in the narrator’s voice that worked wonderfully.
Thank you, I’m challenging myself to try and be different each week 🙂
I enjoy your writing, and encourage you to try out challenging voices.
I love the symbolism here. She sounds a little obsessed however.
just wondering what the answer would be. to be continued….
Hi Helen,
Pulling a psycho killer story out of this story was just brilliant. I think she should perform taxidermy on him to continue their conversations. Some nicely turned phrases too. Ron
Thanks Ron 🙂
You are cruel this way, Helen. You lure us in, and then pounce… as clearly he found too. “She was just a structure, a form, a shape on a rock.” This line suits the prompt so perfectly! Love it.
I was trying to go in for the kill 😉
Well darlin’, you did it. 😉
Clever, Helen. You lured us in and I didn’t expect your end at all. Well done!
Thanks 🙂
Eternity in the basement–I don’t know which is creepier, the basement, or her going down to ask him.
Oooh…very macabre. I had to read it again!
That was really creepy. Love it! 🙂
Great story and really, really creepy! Thanks, Nan
Dear Helen,
I’m trying to pull the hook from my cheek now. You lured me and then reeled me in. Creepy clever.
Shalom,
Rochelle
I truly loved the way you weaved this. I kinda expected the end… mainly because its what I would do 🙂 You did it great! Many thanks.
Susanx
Scary things is there are people like this., or is it just in your stories? Haha
That was a very clever take on the prompt. A madwoman on the rocks.